It started out like everything else I do, with the best intentions. Then, like with almost everything, it went horribly wrong. Sunday we were driving to meet family and my best friend for dinner. Occasionally I try to start a fun debate between my boys. Starting a debate is like going through labor, you really do forget the hours and hours of screaming, and you innocently think this time it won’t be as annoying, but it always is.
I very innocently asked my husband and my son, “If you had a superpower, what would it be?” I think my son wanted super strength. Bobby wanted the ability to change matter. Nick now wanted armor and a trained dragon who breathes fire at will.
I feel I need to do a disclaimer right about now. In “real life” my husband truly believes I can do anything I set my mind to do. I know I should put him on anti-delusional medicine but I’m afraid after they kick in, one morning, his eyes will wake up, slowly focusing on me, then he’ll scream in horror. But til I put Bobby on meds, he truly believes I’m all that… but occasionally he gets a wild hair and will playfully annoy me. Really really badly.
I am now jealous that Nicholas has a dragon so I throw my superpower in. “I want the ability to fly.” And Bobby, without taking his eyes off the road asks… “If you have a spasm while you’re flying, do you drop like a rock?” Why did my handsome husband go there? Why? It’s a game, come on. Then I thought “Wonder Woman, with a magic lasso.” I thought he would like that. He’s the nerdy type. I can totally see him hiding a photo of Linda Carter under his bed. Without skipping a beat he goes, “If you tried to use the lasso, you’d tie yourself up.” Because I’m stubborn beyond my years, I kept trying and he kept popping my superhero bubble. As Cat Woman, I’d cut myself with my claws. And the cruelest, if I was a shape shifter, Bobby suggested that I’d probably sneeze in the middle of a change and return with loped sided breast. Now that I think about it, he isn’t really a nice man.
With my pist-off-laser-beamed wifely look, my one super-power he cannot deny he finally stopped. You’d think that would end this most disturbing conversation but no it got worse. Changing gears he now explains how every power, if in the wrong hands, seems a little perverted. Yeah, just don’t think about it.
Did I mention I hate losing a fight and I cannot let anything go? So the next day, instead of being productive, in a moment of procrastination and lingering annoyance, I decided to research super heroes with disabilities. I love Google. Right there, a link to “The 10 Greatest Disabled Superheroes of All Time”.
Included on this list are: Professor X. Everyone knows he has a cool wheelchair and has telepathic powers. Daredevil maybe blind but the radiation that caused his disability also heightened his other senses, especially giving him bat sensor. And Cable from Marvel Comics, I’m not sure what his disability is but the half cyborg half hunky look really works for me. So there. There are superheroes with disabilities that rock. So I win, case closed. And if Bobby is smart, he’ll give this to me. Because I do have the greatest power of all, the power of nagging til he concedes. If only my powers could be used for good, the world would be a better place. Now that I think about it, maybe I should just embrace my darkness. I bet there are some really cool villains with disabilities. Plus Bobby definitely won’t argue about my evil powers. Cool.
On a side note, don’t forget www.devotetees.com first designer T-shirt contest starts in seven days! You know you were looking for a reason to buy a new box of crayons!